Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
