between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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