Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
