I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
third nipple confirmed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
