whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
