she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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