God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize