there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sext me about skeletons
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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