i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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