I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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