I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
