people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
