i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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