He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
