Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
