My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
