and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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