if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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