I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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