I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
