Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
