either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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