make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
