I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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