i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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