I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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