so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
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