This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
