so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
