did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need a beard to bite.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
