he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
