community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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