She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
