I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
