I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
