Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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