1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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