So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
