I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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