im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
