So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
