Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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