btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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