i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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