He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
