she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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