He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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