The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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