it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
