We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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