He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
