i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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