you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
