Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
