I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
