it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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