i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
