he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
