when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
