Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we're making bets on your personal life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
