i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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