You really coming over, don't trick.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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