Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize