meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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