man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
