I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
