can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
