It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
