I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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