My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
