That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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