either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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