Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
