Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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