I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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