I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My bed smells like the plague
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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