he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
