peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
