Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
