To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
