Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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