Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
