the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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