I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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